Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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