New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
