I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
