I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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