theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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