Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
