My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thus making me awesome and them whores
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
