I wish I could teleport
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
