I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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