I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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