Where is the hickey?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
