I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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