Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
