I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
