Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
