Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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