ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
