I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
