i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
