Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
