True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have peed in a lot of sinks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
