also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize