The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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