The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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