I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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