Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
