Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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