We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
