You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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