dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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