Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
