just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
