i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
