Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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