You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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