why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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