Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
