Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Enjoy the penises
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
