I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
