don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize