I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
