We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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