it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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