"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
