he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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