Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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