a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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