I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
