How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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