the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
