I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
