Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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