all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
