He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
