was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
