i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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