I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
