what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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