SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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