Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
