This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
