ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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