Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
