I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we're so committed to being not committed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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